According to AARP 21% of U.S. adults age 50 and older are now living alone by themselves. There are several reasons for the growth. One reason is that more couples never had children and were from smaller families with fewer or no siblings. In other cases, widows or widowers find themselves living on their own for many years. There is also “grey divorce” with couples splitting up after decades together.
With no spouse or child available to provide caregiving, this group of people, often referred to as “solo-agers,” have to provide their own support network to replace the familial one. I have had several solo-agers in my parent’s families. I had both uncles and aunts who never married and who lived on their own after their parents passed away. If you are a solo-ager, you’ll need build up a network of friends and professionals to make sure you have that support structure in place when the need arises.
Start With The Legal Documents
When most people designate a Power of Attorney (POA), they often name a spouse or a child to represent them if they are no longer able to manage their own affairs or medical decisions. Likewise, when naming an executor for an estate, most people name a spouse or child to handle their affairs after death.
But without either of these options, the solo-ager will need to identify other people such as good friends to take on those roles. The people named may also be based on the role they will play. Instead of naming one person for all of these roles, the solo-ager may need to spread the roles out to several people, or even to professionals. For example, a solo-ager uncle has named me as his financial POA, but has named a close friend as his healthcare POA.
Another consideration is making sure that the desired POAs are willing to take on that role. Often a child or a spouse feels a familial responsibility to take on one of these roles. But friends may not have that close a relationship and need to understand the responsibility that can come with the role.
If friends are not available or unwilling to take on these roles, there are professionals who can be named to help. For financial POA, a daily money manager can sometimes be named. For the healthcare POA, a life-care manager can sometimes take on that role. And when it comes time to probating a Will after death, attorneys often handle that role.
Building a Social Network For Now And For Later
While solo-agers may not be lonely living alone, they still require a social network of friends. This is where solo-agers may already be in a better place because they’ve already built up a network of social contacts throughout life. By talking with their social network, a solo-ager can build up a group of people who can help each other with tasks such as transportation, picking up groceries, and just checking in on each other.
The Village-to-Village network is one more formal example of this type of support network. Another option is more like a village model where many solo-agers live in close proximity to each other in order to be able to support each other in practical ways in day-to-day life.
Technology can also be used to help fill in some gaps that a solo-ager might have. There are services available that can sense (but not record) activity in a home. It will then notify a circle of friends you designate if it fails to detect activity for a period of time, indicating a possible need for help. In addition, some local police departments participate in a program of health checks using an automated calling system. If a person fails to answer the regular automated call, the police are notified to go check on the person.
Resources For Solo-Agers
Here are a number of resources that can be used by solo-agers to help with aging and living alone:
- https://www.naela.org to find an attorney to help with legal and financial proxies
- https://www.aginglifecare.org can help finding professional health care coordination
- https://navigatingsolo.com is a source for ideas for navigating life as a solo-ager
- https://www.dorotusa.org/solo-aging-resources-new is another source for solo-ager programs
- https://www.vtvnetwork.org can help link people nearby with mutual support
- https://homeshareonline.org can help find roommates if a solo-ager feels more comfortable with someone else in the house
- https://www.snugsafe.com can provide a check-in service on your smart phone
- https://aloecare.com provides a home sensor network to watch for behavior changes.
- https://eldercare.acl.gov provides additional sources of information of use to solo-agers
With the continued increase in solo-agers in America, I am also optimistic that even more technology, services, and systems will develop to help this group of people stay longer in their homes, maintain good social lives, and be prepared for those emergencies that are more common with older adults.
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